My Body, My Strength

I hurt my back a few days ago. It's really a pain too, pun intended. I've done as much as I can so far to help it out. I've had a massage to alleviate the pain and discomfort, gotten into a jacuzzi a few times, as well as some acupuncture and cupping to help with a quicker recovery. As I lay there on the massage table earlier this week, it occurred to me that I sure do feel comfortable disrobing and entrusting the massage therapist to help me heal my body. Funny, I actually feel more comfortable with a massage therapist or acupunturist than I do with a regular medical doctor.

There was a time though, when I wasn't comfortable with my body. I didn't particularly enjoy looking at myself nude in front of the mirror as a girl, or young woman. Growing up in a Mexican Catholic home, I realize that as a child I learned more about guilt and shame, instead of love and appreciation when it came to my own body. So exploring the body, the surface, it's inner workings, it's mysteries...that was a no-no, much less learning to love it. So I eventually learned to feel inadequate: I was too tall, chubby, dark, and had crazy hair...It wasn't until I began to, um, let's just say, become more sexually explorative, that I even realized how "in the closet" I was about my own body!

See, when it comes to the Catholic Church, women, and premarital sex, I think even using those three words in the same sentence are a sin! Because conversations about sex and the body of a teenage girl were basically forbidden or taboo, it was long while before I felt comfortable talking about my body or even looking at it. Over my adult years, after conversations with other latinas, I learned many of women suffer from low self-esteem, lack of knowledge about our bodies..and a certain level of discomfort in them. I also believe that many women, particularly latinas or Mexicans raised in Catholic homes, rebelled by becoming sexually explorative at a very young age. If they (your mom, your tia, your older sister, etc) aren't going to teach you at home about loving the body..then find some young, willing, volunteer to help you with the job!

As a recovering Catholic, as I sometimes like to refer to myself, I have a new found appreciation and love for my body. I didn't happen overnight. I've had to learn over my 30 something years, to really be in touch with my body. And by being in touch with my body, I mean listening to it, and caring for it. I mean loving it. From my dark skin, to my beating heart, to my sometimes difficult but curly hair, to great sex, I love my body. The more I continue to take care of myself, and heal my body when it needs it, the more I really learn about my body too. And the more strength I feel from it. I stand tall and feel secure in my body--and I don't take that for granted. I know what it's been through, what I've put it through...the ups and downs, and I want it to continue to function well as the years go on. So as I venture out on my next massage, I say thank you, to my body. For not giving up on me...

Live a good life.